Quintessentially She:
Embracing the Grey….Yes I should!
photo image credit: Sheela Adhar 'Rocking my silver crown!' 2019
Is turning grey and worrying about what you look like a new phenomenon? Of course it isn’t! Its age old, if you pardon the pun. There are even books written on it, such as Anne Kreamer’s ‘Going Grey’ and Susan Paget’s ‘Grey Haired Adventure’, There is a plethora of articles out there too about those of us who have decided to ditch the bleach & hair dye to going naturally grey. The effect this natural phenomenon has on our lives can either be a struggle or a dance. I choose the latter. However, it remains more acceptable in today’s society for men to turn grey with confidence because, along with the beard phenomenon, that’s just sexy as hell! But for a woman to decide to ditch the bleach, hair dye, the rest of the menagerie and let it grow out, its not ok, or is it? Actually, I’ve noticed that there are a lot of younger women out there who pay a fortune to have their hair dyed the platinum grey, which seems to be 'in' at the moment. But that’s not quite what I mean by allowing yourself to ditch the products and embrace the grey. What I mean is to ditch the fear of what is an opinion in today’s society, by being confident & fearless about your age.
Credits: Sheela Adhar 'Not feeling well today' 2019 on instagram
When I listen to both sexes talk about how their bodies are changing, I can’t help but wince. The discussion usually indicates what they are ‘doing about it’, like its wrong to be showing any signs of ageing. Going grey, you see, can apparently affect your everything from acceptability for work to social acceptance and even dating. Now, I’m never going to be the type of woman, who at 45 years gets mistaken for a 25 year old! I’m not going to have a cosmetic enhancement because I’ve begun to look older. I’m not your body confident pouty, slimline, moody looking type either…I’m more of the accept me as I am, I couldn’t give a shit what you think type! So anything that Involves some form of plastification or recognisable difference is really not me, but I do get it. However, If I did this sort of thing, I would be doing it for myself and not because societal norms of the day are dictating that I should or have to to, keep up with the crowd, please my partner or look the part, whatever that means. I’m not a crowd pleaser and don’t follow the trending surgeries or looks of the day. Its entirely your choice if you do all of those things which keep you looking younger than you are. in my opinion, let me tell you, beauty ages too and its what’s inside that really shines out of you. Cliche??
No I’d rather age naturally. I believe greying hair to be my body’s forgone expression to my years on this planet. It doesn’t mean I’ve given up on myself or that I have to slow everything right down either. I’m embracing all of my bodily changes because its what nature intended for me. Can you get that? Its not so hard to understand that, at my age I wish to BE, not reinvent another version of myself, like so many of us continually do throughout life. I'd rather step up and live my truth by showing myself to be who I comfortably am, my authentic self image. Self Image is something I have struggled with for most of my life…I’m too fat, too skinny, not dressed the right way, not enough in the way of make up, too butch, doesn’t look right in a skirt, sagging a bit, mahoosive boobs!…. the list goes on and on. I have learned that these are someone else’s ,opinion, of what I’m ‘supposed’ to be, that for years I have struggled with! No more self sabotage!
I’VE CARED, FOR TOO LONG, WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT MY IMAGE AND I REFUSE TO GIVE ANYONE THAT AUTHORITY OVER ME ANYMORE!
My hair began to turn speckled hen when I was 20 years old, a paternal heritage gift. At 20 I tried to hide it. I dyed my hair ever since, that is until recently. I’ve had purple, orange, black, blue-black, red, blond and brown hair over that past 25 years. That’s all good, but there came a time when I looked, I mean really looked at myself and thought… ‘You know what? You look all right! Why do you keep doing this to yourself every month, dye out the grey, your impending image, your experience, your silver goddess crown?’ And do you know what? I didn’t have an answer which truly reflected who I am! I had to seriously think about why I was still dyeing my hair, because I wasn’t doing it for myself anymore. I really didn’t want to and I kind of liked the new silver highlights coming through. A friend mentioned to me that I was now more salt than pepper! Hahahaa I love that expression. It totally encapsulated the way I had been feeling about my hair. It helped me to understand a little more about accepting myself the way I am. So I decided to abstain from dyeing my hair that month and see what the reaction from others would be.
And that last sentence, I can tell you, is exactly why I have refused to dye my hair since this experiment.
I got a mixed quota of responses to my hair. Many people liked it, but there were a few whose opinions reflected a certain type of social unacceptability, an attitude of ‘you’ll have to get rid of that grey if….’ IF WHAT? If I want to be accepted by a society who deems greying hair as a dictation of inability to do something, be someone? As a result, I foolhardily caved in and dyed my hair!
In hindsight, I cannot believe that an opinion based on societal norms for my age group had so much hold over my social acceptance and even influenced my own personal acceptance of my new look!
Credits: Sheela Adhar 'negative imperfections' 2019
Perfectionism! As we get older the pigment cells on our hair follicles, which contain colour producing melanin, gradually die. This can occur at any age and usually coincides with the age your parents began to grey. This is something I learned when I found my first white cats whisker on my right temple, at 20. However, we live in an age where only the best will do. Where allowing our hair to naturally grey is deemed something you do when, and only when, we are ready to sign off from the world or society has deemed us too old for something. Therefore, to show signs of greying is not such an agreeable life event! In addition, eradicating signs of ageing is part of social pressure, which we are all under, to look good. We’ve been taught from youth to fear the coming of ageing. Advertising campaigns thrive on the hair dye industry, not surprisingly aimed mostly at women! We are doomed if we allow ourselves to ‘go grey’ unless, as hairdressers recommendations suggest, you cut your hair short to allow the growth to be less obvious and shocking. Why? Because we look as though we have given up on ourselves? No! Because we aren’t spending the same amount of money on the hair dye industry or at the hairdressers!
I mean REALLY? Why are media campaigns about cosmetics and hair dye more prevalent and effective than campaigns about saving our planet?
We live in a world where having surgery to look younger is better than allowing nature to take its course, because looking younger reflects your state of mind, level of fitness, ability to fit in, to perform?! We live in an era where sprouting hair from oblivious places on our body is unacceptable and should be removed as quickly as possible, where sagging anything has to be picked up and stitched back into place. Where we starve ourselves to keep trim, at any age. We live a life where living behind a façade and striving to be the perfect image of the era makes us acceptable to our culture of youthfulness. Forever young? Forever uncomfortable in our own skin! What makes this phenomenon even more perverse is that we pass this unacceptability on to the next generation. We are brainwashing our kids into thinking that only the elderly are silver haired.
Well I for one am done competing, done with trying to please societal norms, done dying my hair to eradicate my silver goddess crown, I don’t want to be blond to hide my grey! I’m done with trying to please those who believe I must or have to do this, for whatever reason. I’m going grey! That doesn’t mean I’ve passed my sell by date or that I need a set of highlights put in. It means I’m accepting that my hair is greying and refuse to continue striving toward the perfect stereotype for my age…SHE DOESN’T EXIST but in the minds of the blinkered.
I am perfectly happy the way I am
I am not going to sidetrack the rest of my life in search of something which advertising campaigns have deemed the norm for my age. I intend to live my life with the same veracity as ever, with my grey hair proudly blowing in the wind and NO I won’t be cutting my hair off because I’m turning grey either! Don’t judge me on my choices which are not influenced by anything other than my own opinion. And whilst I’ve learned to accept myself in all the glory of my changes..will you be joining me on this adventure, journeying to the next stages?
If I’m Grey
I’m going grey, that doesn’t mean I’m passed my sell by date, you know!
I’m turning grey, I’ve not given up on ME or looking after myself though,
I’m going grey, I’m giving up on striving to look a certain way,
I’m turning grey, I’m not giving up on dyeing my hair,
I’m going grey, I’m embracing it into my life,
I’m turning grey, I don’t give a fuck what I’m ‘supposed to look like!
I’m going grey, what anyone thinks about it is entirely up to you!
I’m turning grey, I don’t HAVE TO dye my hair because of what someone says I SHOULD DO!
I’m going grey, No I don’t need a clinic trip to plump my lips!
I’m turning grey, I’m embracing what nature intended for my bits,
I’m going grey, no need to be stereotyped because I can or have to,
I’m turning grey, I shall live my life this way because its mine and I want to,
I’m going grey and its so much more fun,
I’m turning grey and singing love songs in the sun,
I’m going grey, I’m not looking back to rescind my age,
I’m turning grey, looking forward to turning a new page…
And if I’m grey and still jumping from great heights, what a story, what a sight!
And if I’m grey and still acting young, Don’t stop me, now love, I’m still having fun!
If I’m Grey By Sheela Adhar ©2019
Hey there! Thanks for reading my article. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I have creating it. Life is a journey and there are so many paths to follow. This is mine. You are welcome to join my adventure of self discovery and development. Please feel free to leave comments, like & share with my gratitude.
In love, light and gratitude
She x
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